My tears will never bring him back

To hate u or not?... I know that my tears now will never bring u back to me like how it did in the past.

I had loved u so much for the first two years and yes, without a doubt I still do. Believe it or not... I finally understand why I feel insecured no matter how much u had showered ur love, care, concern and devotion to me. I do not have a male buddy until u told me u've a female buddy who is very close to u; somehow or rather, I felt insecured and jealous. Frankly, having a male buddy did not cross my mind until that; and having a male buddy just to spite u... I am not sure if u've felt like how I felt.

Even thou u gave in alot to me, but that in a material ways. Buying anything I want or I like, pampering me... this is not what I wanted. Do u know that for the first two years, u're the only one I think about the most; so much that I just wished u could be by my side everyday. Not being possessive hence I just loved to be with u. Having u in my personal life and me in ur personal life, the feelings I had with u was so wonderful, so perfect. U have ur flaws and imperfection that I did not voice it out cos I was comfortable with u and it makes it all very ok. U said your love so true for me, but how true can it be? True love only exists when the imperfection of ur other half is a perfection for u, as an eye of the beholder and for that, I do not think that ur love is so true for me.

For the first two years, I gave in my feelings for u. Put my every hopes and chances in u... nevertheless, I am disappointed and lost hopes. Looking for other guys was just to revive my hopes... was hoping to be able to find a guy like u hence, someone who is much more capable with his career. Sorry, I should have been more understanding with that, but it didnt help me much when u have to ask me to change my attitude to become a wife material which results that I am not perfect for u. Rem u've asked me why I couldn't be myself when I am with u, but I could be myself with my frenz in GV? Since then I tried to be myself, things just starts to get twisted cos u couldnt totally accept my true-self.

What else could I have said, better than holding on to someone who doesnt feel I am perfect for him? I never felt I am perfect to u. this is just so true.. just the love we had that caught outsider's attention. I even have someone telling me that, u wished u have a gf like Shiyun, why not just go for her then?

Thanks to Kenneth who have helped me to built up my courage to leave u back then, cos from then there's so much I've learnt... but hated him, cos he was there to built my courage up and leave u which I didnt want it to happen hence, all is good. I learned more things about life and I am ready to appreciate and cherish someone so now, I just want to find someone who loves me as much as I do, and that someone is whom I can give my love to. It will be a definite thing to settledown. I am still holding my faith and fate to become a young mother by the age of 24 years old.

I swear to god that I did not meant to betrayed u. I am just someone who live with hopes and will find any ways to satisfies or revive it. I am an impatient Virgo... ur tolerance for me; was very much appreciate, thank you.

Thanks for everything... we're just friends, so, u wont hear from me much. I didnt find ur sincerity, when u said u wanted to try things out. I still miss the days, and with what I've gone thru for the past 1 year without u; I wish I could turn back times to appreciate and guide each other. Communications, mutual trust and understanding was what lacking. But I guess, it's too late for it; I will never find someone like u cos 感情都是假的。It's not easy to come-by people who mutually love and understands.

Dearest Dyrell, I will never interrupt ur life anymore as I can see u're very happy with ur "buddy". Until u feel I am really the one for u, as I still do feel that u're my only one.. but I guess I am not ur only one when u want me to change. That's not love, but for ur satisfication.

Once again, thanks for everything. Take care~

Going for the last, too late?

Remembering I have a relationship that lasted 5 years, with Dyrell... the only guy who I feel so right to be with. The feeling could never cease to exists again has gone? Is it too late? Will there be this fateful day that we will ever happen again? I wished god would have been more kind to me and let me know him after what I had gone thru shits and that he is the guy who is there for me. Cos no one is true, no one can be trusted. Dyrell was the only guy who made me feel so warmth and secured, none so true.

Sweet memories has been flashing in my mind this recently without fail/effort to think. Koala misses her tree trunk~ Koala and the Tree stays forever~ Koala love hugging her tree~ Tree trunk misses Koala's hug~ all these... just made my heart fell hard. No lies, I still love Dyrell, truly. Thou I had betrayed him hence, I have my reasons.

Why?- He is so right that I yearn to be his wife so much until I lost hopes. Was desperate and keen to look for someone better like Dyrell, but someone who is more capable and ready to settle-down.

Without a doubt, he is the only guy that I loved to do meaningful things with; just anything!~ Going to the gym, movies, ktv, dinner, walk the malls, hanging out with his families/relatives, cooking/baking, etc... making love, is part of something I enjoyed with him as well. My virginity, he has it. Negative difference just piled up and our relationship, somehow or rather just got twisted.

First 2 years was sweet, until the last 3 years which is a drag.

I have learnt and finally understands why I had no confidence to speak-up my opinions/perspective view. -- There are beliefs I held that I wished he could have put his efforts to understand my opinions/perspectives, instead of saying his and dominates it. (e.g. A newly-wed woman will change to become a better wife, esp when she have a her first kid - this I learnt from married woman who loves family.)

I have my reasons that I want to forget u... do u think it is easy for me to be ur frenz? I feel the impact and it is hurt. Saying that u're a guy who is after my body, sorry, I don't mean it. Just words... I don't feel u're one. So I guess, u can't forgive and forget? Better off, let you hate me and I disappear.

And I have my reasons for removing u on Facebook as well cos I still feel jealous when girls approach u. Hence, I am not allow in ur personal life again so I will take a step back.

Well, can't blame u as well ba... I was still young and naive back then that I dunno what to do is right or wrong. As I go thru periods without u by my side, I see more clear pictures. I understand now. I know what I want now.

All I want is someone like u, whom I can share my good and bad times with. Someone who I can spend my time with. Someone who can be there to advise me. Someone who can be there to cheer me up, and most importantly, someone who understands me. Understands as in really understands what kinda person I am... just need someone who can automatically knows what I want to do next. Dyrell, u could have been one. I have learnt that, our problem was lacking honesty and open communications. You could have make me more comfortable and confident in talking to u, but u made me felt a barrier was there as I am not the type who can just chat anything under the sun with just anyone, no...

Tell me... I wanna this to be made clear. Are we still frenz? Or we should be able to work things out again? If frenz, please understand it will be hard for me to stay on as a frenz for u. I will have to disappear after a clear cut.

Gone by Frankie J

Damn...I miss you
MMM...ooh

I toss and turn...it's so hard for me to sleep
I guess I'm no used to being alone...yeah
And I know it's because of me
And I'm trying to face this reality
Past relations they've made me into this man that I am
Knowing now that it's wrong
It's too late cuz she's gone

Gone...gone...gone
Don't think she's ever coming back
It's killing me
That I let her heart down completely
I should've gave her all of me
She's gone
Gone...gone...gone
She ain't even thinkin' 'bout me honestly
Being strong to carry on ain't easy
Gotta face it she's gone...gone

This house is cold
It's like doing time in the pen
Wondering where she is and who she with...yeah
But the hardest thing is there's no one else to blame but me
So I guess I have to take it like a man
But I don't know if I'll ever love again
yeah...yeah

Cuz this pain I'm feeling inside is like a hollow point through my heart
I know that it's kinda crazy
But I feel like I'm falling apart
Usually I'm cool, but I lost it when
She walked away
Lost without her...and she's gone

Gone...gone...gone
Don't think she's ever coming back
It's killing me
That I let her heart down completely
I should've gave her all of me
She's gone
Gone...gone...gone
She ain't even thinkin' 'bout me honestly
Being strong to carry on ain't easy
Gotta face it she's gone...gone

Without some kind of intervention
I can't go on another day...oh
And I can't even bare to mention
The very sound of her name
Without the sky turnin into clouds
Without the rain falling down
Falling down...again...again
I can't face the fact that she's gone

Gone...gone...gone
Don't think she's ever coming back
It's killing me
That I let her heart down completely
I should've gave her all of me
She's gone
Gone...gone...gone
She ain't even thinkin' 'bout me honestly
Being strong to carry on ain't easy
Gotta face it she's gone...gone

How To Train Your Dragon Widget

28 Feb 2010 @ Sakae Sushi in North Point with Jon

You said that I am cute; I firmly said no.. and then I looked away giggling and smiling (with teeth shown) like... "Tsk, Tsk.. =D" -- 嘴不对心，哈哈！

Fallin' Out by Keyshia Cole

Been Sitting Thinking, About You And I
& Wondering Why We're Not Getting Along.
So Frustrated 'cause What We Had Was A Happy Home.
I Don't Know What The Situation Is,
But I Can Tell In The Way We Kiss.
We Don't Talk No More,
It Feels Better When I'm Alone.

Sometimes I Feel Like There's No Getting Through To You,
Like You Don't Appreciate All That I Do.
But You Gotta Show Me That You Want Me To Stay
Don't Turn & Walk Way.

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm Slowly Fallin' Out Of Love With You,
I Don't Know What To Do.
How Did We End Up Here This Way.
What Are We Gonna Do?
I'm Slowly Fallin' Out.
Baby We Trippin' On Silly Things.
Boy, I Need You To Meet Me Half Way.
If You Want Me To Be With You.

I Remember When I'd Be With My Friends
You Checked On Me, And Made Time To Call.
But How Things Have Changed.
Now I Don't Here From You At All.

Sometimes I Feel Like There's No Getting Through To You,
Like You Don't Appreciate All That I Do.
But You Gotta Show Me That You Want Me To Stay
Don't Turn & Walk Way.

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm Slowly Fallin' Out Of Love With You,
I Don't Know What To Do.
How Did We End Up Here This Way.
What Are We Gonna Do?
I'm Slowly Fallin' Out.
Baby We Trippin' On Silly Things.
Boy, I Need You To Meet Me Half Way.
If You Want Me To Be With You.

Don't Let Your Pride Get In The Way
On Something We Worked So Hard
Don't Throw It Away
I've Been Tryna Make You See
Everything You Need,
Is Right Here With Me.

Sometimes I Feel Like There's No Getting Through To You,
Like You Don't Appreciate All That I Do.
But You Gotta Show Me That You Want Me To Stay
Don't Turn & Walk Way.
Baby, I'm Slowly. Don't Turn & Walk Away.

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm Slowly Fallin' Out Of Love With You, I Don't Know What To Do.
How Did We End Up Here This Way. What Are We Gonna Do?
I'm Slowly Fallin' Out. Baby We Trippin' On Silly Things.
Boy, I Need You To Meet Me Half Way. If You Want Me To Be With You.

Had a bad dream, a dream that fill with lotsa heart broken and tears on me.

In the dream, Derek is leaving me behind, totally... says, I had said I wanna give up and from then his heart for me has faded and do not want to turn back and repeat the same things again. I had given him so many chance, and he is turning his back to me. I knelt down on the floor and cried, thousands of needles were stabbing in my heart, really hard.

Baby dont go, I need u, I miss u... even we had lil times together, but somehow my feelings tells me u're my everything. Baby, hurt me no more. Where are your heart?